Post-game notes: Rangers vs. Bruins 2/14/12

Happy Valentine’s Day! To all the ladies that wanted to spend this day with the “only boys who matter” aka the Bruins, well then, what a buzz kill. I’m gonna take a slightly different approach to this post-game analysis. So here we go! I’m going to give you a game analysis in the form of a Valentine’s Day date with the Bruins. Translation will follow.

It’s a beautiful night in Boston and you’ve got a hot date with the Bruins. They pull up to the house in a luxurious stretch zamboni. All seems to be going well. Your parents love them, they’re gentleman, etc. These guys really could be the ONE. Or the ones.

The B’s come out fairly strong. Looking solid.

And then comes the first strike. On the way inside the restaurant, they don’t even hold the door for you. Way to start off a Valentine’s Day date on the right foot, pft. Well it’s whatever, happens all the time. It’s annoying but not the worst that could happen.

And then Ryan Callahan scores a power play goal at 10:09 of the first. It’d be nice to score first and play the full sixty but…what’s defense? But whatever, there’s definitely still a chance, right?

You’re sitting at the table and they can’t get over how striking you look in that Dennis Wideman jersey. They don’t really mind that you’re wearing it cause damn you look hot. They make you feel good. They excuse themselves to go to the bathroom but leave their cell phone on the table in plain sight. They receive a text message from someone. It’s from someone named Ryan. Their contact name has a winky face next to it. Obviously you’re curious now and there’s no one around so you might as well snoop, right? You look at the text. It stays “see you later tonight??? ;)” you think “the fuck?” This is all so strange and somewhat painful. Strike 2. Ouch.

The B’s remained fairly strong with possession of the puck. Feeling pretty good about their game. And then boom, Ryan McDonagh scores with just seconds left in the first. The Rangers are up two goals and the B’s have to climb out of a seemingly insurmountable hole.

During dinner, you say almost nothing to one another. You’re still feeling kind of awkward about the whole text message incident so you just focus on the mashed potatoes on your plate.

No scoring in the second.

At the end of the date, you’re holding hands on the way out of the restaurant. It’s great. Until you come across a scantily-clad woman strutting down the street in a pair of 6-inch heels. She’s blabbering about something in a different language. Maybe Russian? You’re too busy analyzing this strange Russian to notice that the B’s are no longer holding your hand but slapping the Russian right in the ass. Strike 3. The nail in the coffin. DOUBLE OUCH.

The third period was underway, the B’s (again) came out pretty strong. They had scoring chances but just couldn’t get anything past a very strong Lundqvist. Just when we all thought that maybe, maybe there was a chance, Artem Anismov put the nail in the coffin.

You pull up to your house and right before you get out of the car, there’s a tongue in your mouth. Really? On the first date? You can’t believe this. With all of your might you forcefully shove them off of you, hop out of the zamboni, and proudly proclaim: “You are so not scoring tonight.”

Lundqvist ended up making 40+ saves and earned his 7th shutout of the season.


Sorry if this was just a jumble of thoughts, but I tried my best. I really don’t feel the need to analyze this any further.


Happy Valentine’s Day.




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